Where has all the time gone?

I will be 43 in a few months and I often reflect back through my life. In fact to be totally honest I spend WAY too much time reflecting back. I have many regrets and things that I would likely change if I could. The fact is I can regret all I want and wish as hard as I try but the past is what it is.

These 43 years has flown by. It is unbelievable. As a prepper I look to the future often and make numerous plans to prepare for…..whatever. So – I spend too much time thinking about my past and within the realm of preparedness I focus a lot of time in the future.

What about the present? What about today?

If have come to realize that I have got to spend more time on what needs to be done and experienced today. Whether it is going to eat lunch with my 8 year old or taking that camping trip THIS weekend rather putting it off again….I have got to place a greater emphasis on “now”. I need to take a look around before I miss something.

I worry that some day I will be a frail old man and will be thinking back to NOW and will have more regrets that I should have taken advantage the present. Knowing this I hope to change and spend more time placing an emphasis on today.

Oh, there is a knock at the door. Why are there a couple guys dressed in white holding a strange jacket at my door.



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  1. And that my friend is what is known as mid life crisis. I’ll be 45 in a few days, and you’re right, time goes by pretty fast. I often look back and wish i had done some things differently, but maybe the the choices that we make, good and bad, are the lessons that we get to learn from and pass on to those we love. Tony D.

    • Well Tony – I was waiting for someone to bring that up and you very well might be right.

      Wonder if I can afford a vette?


  2. You’re not alone for sure. I know exactly how you feel. We seem to spend more of our present time planning for the future or looking back at what wasn’t and failing to realize that we need to be here… now… with our family. And, since summer break is officially here, that’s exactly what I’m going to do!


    I wrote this years ago as I struggled to find my way through a particularly painful event and period of life. It has served me well over the years.

    I hope you will find some inspiration in it. — “CB”, “Homeinsteader”

  4. You know, we did that. We were always going to do it “when”. The “when” was either get the kids out of college or having more money or when he retires. Now he is selling his business properties and retiring. We have the time and the money to travel, for instance, but we don’t have the health. We just went to Europe and loved what we did but had health problems while there. I have to get a wheelchair at the airports etc. Why we didn’t do all of these thing years ago, I don’t know? We had the money but other stuff seemed more important. Now we both have trouble breathing and walking. One thing that I have not put off is prepping. I have put a lot of time and money into over the last ten years.

  5. I live everyday..Yesterday is gone and all you can do is learn from it, there isn’t any going back.
    Tomorrow doesn’t exist except in the mind of GOD..Nothing you can do will change it, all you can do is be ready for it..Today is a gift from GOD, that is why it is called the present.. Except it and be a blessing in it..

  6. Who can it be knocking at my door?
    Go ‘way, don’t come ’round here no more.
    Can’t you see that it’s late at night?
    I’m very tired, and I’m not feeling right.
    All I wish is to be alone;
    Stay away, don’t you invade my home.
    Best off if you hang outside,
    Don’t come in – I’ll only run and hide.

    Who can it be knocking at my door?
    Make no sound, tip-toe across the floor.
    If he hears, he’ll knock all day,
    I’ll be trapped, and here I’ll have to stay.
    I’ve done no harm, I keep to myself;
    There’s nothing wrong with my state of mental health.
    I like it here with my childhood friend;
    Here they come, those feelings again!

    Or the popular, “Their coming to take me away haha, their coming to take me away hoho-hehe-haha…”

  7. this hit home for me. im 63 and retired and my health is not what i want it to be….so here i am. i have looked back and seen a full life of much variety – good and bad. my only regret is having children. everything else in my past made me the person i am today and i like me. i wish i had started seriously prepping sooner but its never too late. enjoy your life and please do what you can to make you and your family a happy unit with good memories of the good old days. this way you can be a happy old man….

  8. You are way too young to be this philosophical. I’ve got 10 years on you and trying to keep up with the theory that “today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday” is way too time consuming.

    Perhaps you need a hobby – might I suggest llamas. I’ve got 2 you can have.

    Camping, hunting, poker playing, fishing, star counting, and joining the bigfoot census are all good ways to wind down, experience today, and connect with family and friends. Of course planning how to take over a third world country is also a pleasant past time.

    Whatever you do, don’t miss quality time with the kids – that way they don’t turn into serial criminals and they will tend to select better nursing homes for your dotage.

  9. nice post Rourke….
    having gone thru some major and difficult life changes these last couple years, i truly echo your sentiments…
    i turn 40 this year, so i’m not far behind…
    Here’s to hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst, eh?

  10. I am so far from 43 I can’t even remember much from back then. My advice: If your parents are living spend some time with them and ask questions. Look through the family albums and ask who that guy is and whewre this picture was taken, etc. Ask about grandparents and great grandparents, what they did, old stories etc. Ditto for Aunts, Uncles and cousins. get pictures of you and family members together and try to arrange it when they (and you) are a little dressed up and looking good. Visit old aunts and uncles and family friends and cousins. Make your christmas card list longer every year. Call old friends and relatives at least once a year. Enjoy the challenging hikes while you can. I’m planning on hiking a mountain (10,358 ft) this August but will not be suprised if I can’t make it, I’m 69. When I was 43 I did it twice in one weekend. There is more, so much more but you get the idea.

  11. I have often done the same thing- lokking back over my almost 50 years, some good, some not so good. But after I had kids , I have actively sought out those moments to make memories for them and me, to cherish as I grow older and meaner. I took off from work today to play chaperone for my daughter’s 4th grade class to go on a filed trip. She wanted to go on the 36′ high rope tower but it wasn’t included in the trip price, so I coughed up the extra cash for her and two friends to use the tower (they had harnesses). She was scared of the height BUT she did it. That was a here and now moment I will never forget. As we prep let’s not forget why we prep and for whom we prep. It was a great day to spend with her- watching her smile and enjoy the experience of over-coming her fear. Soccer practice is next for her brother, something else I want to be a part of for my kids….. and me.

  12. I turned 50 earlier this year. I always said “It is not your age that matters. It is your mileage”. I have some hard miles on this frame. I am feeling the effects of bold choices and living on the edge. My spine is compressed, twisted and arthritic from parachute landings and the physically challenging life in the Airborne Infantry. I have medication that I have to take every day, just to get around. I would not change a thing, though. I make it a point to spend time with my closest family and friends. None of knows if and when we’ll meet again. Cherish the simple things. Hope and pray for the best, but prepare for the worse. Keep focused on the tasks that lie ahead. Don’t lose sight of the fact that life was meant to be finite. The afterlife is forever.

  13. Rourke, Thanks for your honesty. Balance is the key to happiness. Thoreau said ” for everything I have lost,I have gained something else” The Native Americans teach that we must walk in balance- taking time to PRAY,WORK,and be.
    Sounds like yu may be on the verge of burn out- so take some time to have fun with your loved ones. Scheduling in recreation before we need it is essential. I am older than you and have some health issues also but prepping daily and
    prayer, and time to read and be with nature and my loved ones makes my life sound. Enjoy the things and experiencesand people
    that are important to your core NOW…Warm regards to you and yours. Arlene

  14. I’m 45, and I was with you Rourke until it occured to me one day, “Hell, I probably aint even made the biggest mistake of my life yet!”
    Some things about the past:
    1) You can’t change it
    2) You can learn from it
    3) You don’t have to repeat it
    4) It probably wasn’t as good or bad as you remember.

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